When a dad lies
During the time when Alan was molesting me he would lie. He would always tell me ”this is how daddies teach their daughters about sex.” I believed him. I trusted him because as the child it is only natural to trust your parent. It messes with you when you realize your daddy was wrong, when you find out the things your daddy said to you were nothing but lies. I also remember one day he told me the things he was doing to me were also being done by his co-worker to his daughter. It was a lie to reinforce his lies. The sad thing is now looking back I really can’t remember tell between lies and truth with Alan.
Another sad thing I was scared shit-less of Alan. He had such a demeanor about him. He never laid a hand on me physically as in like a spanking. But I can remember days I was so afraid to ask him if I could go play with a friend. To this day I still do not understand why.
The effects now are not near as bad as they were. I have grown over time and I have so learned all his lies were wrong. I’ve learned it was not my fault and I can honestly say I believe none of his sexual abuse was my fault.
So how am I now? I’ve learned to trust, it’s hard but I have. I have a strong passion for people not to lie to me. That’s only because I’ve been lied to so much in my life that I now have the control to not allow that. If you lie to me now you are only hurting yourself in the end. The truth always finds its way out and comes to the surface. As with the truth that Alan, my dad sexual abused for quite some time. The only truth that I have not been able to remember is exactly when it began.
