Off Limits
The hubby said this to me the other day. That I am like off limits. Yep, he is speaking of sex; and even just touching and caressing me. He is frustrated, as it has been weeks for him. Yeah, weeks for me too, but…well…honestly…”Houston we have a problem”. I HAVE NOT been in the mood. To do ANYTHING. To him or me. Yeah, he offered to just do me – no strings attached for his pleasure- and I said no. What the hell is wrong with me?!? Most women would have jumped at the chance. Not me. Why? Who the hell knows, surely not me. Could it be that I just had a baby six weeks ago? Can’t be that, he didn’t come out that way, c-section (if you needed filling in). My husband for a lack of better words is like addicted to sex, it is his drug of choice. Me on the other hand, it is like my kryptonite. (however the hell you spell it, help me out Superman) So, I don’t know what to do. I don’t think about it, I don’t desire it, and quite frankly I could care less if I every do it again. How does that sound to you? Sad huh? I do feel sorry for the hubby though. I want to for him, but I can’t, that part of me that was molested is stronger then, well anything else I guess. Is there something for women out there that would put me in the mood? I just don’t know what to do, as I know the hubby is going to really want it now that the “six weeks” is up after having the baby. I know it may sound bad, or even sad, but it almost feels like a bit of some sort of pressure put on me now. The pressure to perform. Gees. Well, guess I’m done blogging now, kinda lost for words.
Alicia said,
24 July 2008 at 10:47 pm
I don’t think it matters HOW your baby was born. Both mine were c-section too. With my son, I was a first time mom (at 38), and with our daughter, I was just plain exhausted from taking care of two who are only 21 months apart.
Hell, I’m STILL exhausted, and she just turned 1.
As far as something out there, if you haven’t tried it, there’s some stuff over the counter that might help. And a friend used a pill her dr prescribed to help her libido.
Girly said,
25 July 2008 at 9:56 am
It’s normal to not want to have sex after having a baby. Hormonal changes taking place as well as just adjusting emotionally and physically.
There are natural hormone therapies that can help… creams and pills. I used to take a form of progesterone prescribed by my doctor.. all natural. It gave me more energy during the day, I slept better at night, and best of all… I WANTED to have sex.
It was called Prometrium.
supermom said,
27 July 2008 at 3:18 am
Try reading a romantic novel. Something that would put you into the ‘right place’ mentally
OneOfMany said,
29 July 2008 at 10:50 am
What turns women on is so different than what turns men on…
One thing to tell the hubby is that sex for men is physical, but for women it’s emotional. This is why it’s harder for a woman to have sex when she’s stressed or angry, but men can. To them, emotions don’t matter; it’s a physical act.
Ask him to use your emotions to help you get “prepared.” Having a clean house (for you, I know) is a turn-on. Having lit candles in the bedroom would help. Make sure the baby is well-fed and both sons are asleep and not in your bedroom!
Just a few tips.
Amy said,
29 July 2008 at 12:50 pm
I second OneOfMany! Those men and their emotionless sex! Nothing is hawter when a guy cleans the house, and especially since you’re so busy with two little guys, it would be beneficial for you both.
Good luck
Calling Him Out said,
29 July 2008 at 12:58 pm
Thank you all for your help!!! I will have to talk to the doctor about getting something to help me. Talking to the hubby about the chores might not work. Hell if it did I think I would be in shock that I just may give it to him.
I’m not looking forward to when I go back to work either; if I thought I was tired now! I will need to hire someone to clean my house just to have the energy to make love to the hubby. I’m sure he would be willing to pay for that!!
Your Hubby said,
1 August 2008 at 12:20 am
Wait a minute!
I can have emotionless sex with anyone. It’s the emotion of connecting to my wife both on a physical and mental level that I want.
You don’t know what it’s like to want to make love, to connect to one person and that person gives you the feeling that your the plague to them. The person that you have committed your life to, the one you fell in love with.
As far as pressure goes. Wow, a husband wanting to make love to his wife. Uhhh, a normal marriage would have this. Instead I get, “I’m placing pressure”
Just to let you ladies know. I have left her totally alone for a good length of time. You know what it does? NOTHING!!! It’s just her getting me to leave her alone.
Oh, the “Will Work for Sex” thing. I’ve tried this as well. I got the same result. It dosen’t matter what I do. In general she doesn’t want to so doing some manual labor is going to make a difference?
I understand the hormonal issues after a baby. I get the mental and physical issues. I get it, really I do.
I feel like a sperm donor, we have two great sons and thats it for me. WTF!
I’m sorry but this subject upsets. My wife wont sit down with me and openly discuss it. She wont tell me that she feels bad and that she might look into something to make a difference. My wife doesnt tell me ANYTHING!!
So, I’m in a sexless marriage with someone that for all she’s saying could care less to “make love” to her husband again.
Uhh, that’s not a marriage.
Calling Him Out said,
1 August 2008 at 9:51 am
Well it seems as a bit of me opening up here has really gotten to the hubby and for a lack of better words by his post it seems as though he is PISSED. I guess this may explain the attitude last night when I asked for help with the baby. I noticed something was wrong; if this was it I know now.
Let’s try this on for size, if this would have been the same reaction had I spoken to him about it, why would I have done so?? I don’t want to talk to someone about a situation when I will get a pissed off reaction and the sense that it’s my fault or a finger pointing at me; or even like I’m being attacked. I do feel this on occasion when I have opened up to the hubby. I would like to be able to open up and get no reaction in return. Sometimes just listening and taking in the information and remembering is a good thing.
Your Hubby said,
1 August 2008 at 1:30 pm
Thats just it. I have to read about it. You want me to come to you with things, despite a reaction that you may give me. I have been apprehensive of doing that based on previous reactions. The same goes for you opening up to me. Based on previous reactions of mine, you hide within yourself. The other thing is when you open up it’s not about what YOU can do. That YOU feel sorry or bad, on how I have to deal with your abuse along with you.
When you open up it’s about what I can do to make you happy. What things I “need to work on” I feel sometimes that I’m ALWAYS having to bend myself and my world to work within yours. I start to resent having to do that. It feels as if I have a boat load of personal work to do. Yet, you have nothing. It’s easy to point out someones faults and tell them “you need to work on this”. It’s a thousand times harder to take the same approach on yourself. To look inward of who you really are and decide to change.
Yes, I was upset after reading your blog posts last night. I’ll admit it and that caused the little shortness with me. For that I’m sorry and it wasn’t warranted.
Amy said,
4 August 2008 at 2:26 pm
I hate to get in the middle of this, but I have something to say…
With all due respect (and speaking from experience), doing “manual labor” a couple of times just to get a reaction is not going to do it for her. It has to be something that you WANT to and are WILLING to do over time…
I’m just glad that you realize that she’s kind of going through a lot right now – a new baby, a toddler, going back to work, dealing with her past… not saying that she’s perfect, but there’s a lot of issues there.
I’m not trying to step on any toes, or get in the middle… I just felt I needed to say something.
Calling Him Out said,
4 August 2008 at 3:01 pm
Thank you Amy. You’ve put a few things in words I wasn’t able to think of. The hubby and I have talked about things and he was upset when he read this post and said his attitude the other night was not fair to me. We are working on things and I (and we) have resumed counseling.
Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions.