A mommy, wife and friend…a survior of child sexual abuse

The hubby said this to me the other day.  That I am like off limits.  Yep, he is speaking of sex; and even just touching and caressing me.  He is frustrated, as it has been weeks for him.  Yeah, weeks for me too, but…well…honestly…”Houston we have a problem”.  I HAVE NOT been in the mood.  To do ANYTHING.  To him or me.  Yeah, he offered to just do me – no strings attached for his pleasure- and I said no.  What the hell is wrong with me?!?  Most women would have jumped at the chance.  Not me.  Why?  Who the hell knows, surely not me.  Could it be that I just had a baby six weeks ago?  Can’t be that, he didn’t come out that way, c-section (if you needed filling in).  My husband for a lack of better words is like addicted to sex, it is his drug of choice.  Me on the other hand, it is like my kryptonite.  (however the hell you spell it, help me out Superman)  So, I don’t know what to do.  I don’t think about it, I don’t desire it, and quite frankly I could care less if I every do it again.  How does that sound to you?  Sad huh?  I do feel sorry for the hubby though.  I want to for him, but I can’t, that part of me that was molested is stronger then, well anything else I guess.  Is there something for women out there that would put me in the mood?  I just don’t know what to do, as I know the hubby is going to really want it now that the “six weeks” is up after having the baby.  I know it may sound bad, or even sad, but it almost feels like a bit of some sort of pressure put on me now.  The pressure to perform.  Gees.  Well, guess I’m done blogging now, kinda lost for words.