Having control is important in surviving
As a sexual abuse survivor having as much control as I can is so important. Why? If you just think about it when I was in the presence of my abuser he had the control. When he wanted to abuse I had no control. When he took advantage of me, I had no control. He did what he wanted when he wanted to, and I had no control. Yeah, of course I would say no or try to push him away, but being that I was 110 lbs wet and he was 6′2” and I’m sure over 200 lbs you tell me who whens. NOT to mention that this was my dad and I had to listen to him and respect him because he was my parent. I basically was a well behaved kid, that kudos to the way my mom raised me. However, with my dad, I was scared of him. He never layed a physical hand on me to disipline me. Yet I was scared shitless of this man. He had this demeanor and presence that casued me to NEVER back talk him, NEVER disrespect him, and always do what was told of me.
Now that I am an adult having as much control of my life is important. It’s pretty simple why, if I don’t I can potentially feel like I did when I was with my dad as a helpless child. Having control is a part of my survival method to move on with my life. Of course I have realized there are certain sitautions and times that I just will not have this control, it hasn’t always been easy to allow it or like it. No one ever said that I would be healed overnight and I haven’t. I believe it will be something that I have to work on and be aware of for the rest of my life.
