A little rest before baby
My follow up doctors appointment has found that my BP did not get any better after bed rest, it was actually just a little bit higher. So my doctor and I have agreed that I need to be out of work for the next few weeks before I have my baby. I’m not complaining, it will be a nice time to rest. I will be able to get some much needed rest before I get none after baby is born.
Work seemed to be cool about it. I mean what can they really do when I have a letter from my physican saying I can’t work due to complications with my pregnancy. My cooworkers were concerned for me and it is comforting to know I am in their thoughts and prayers. Although I will not get paid while I am out on leave things will be hard with money, specially in this ever rising gas and food economy; but the health of my baby and myself is way more important then money.
Having control is important in surviving
As a sexual abuse survivor having as much control as I can is so important. Why? If you just think about it when I was in the presence of my abuser he had the control. When he wanted to abuse I had no control. When he took advantage of me, I had no control. He did what he wanted when he wanted to, and I had no control. Yeah, of course I would say no or try to push him away, but being that I was 110 lbs wet and he was 6′2” and I’m sure over 200 lbs you tell me who whens. NOT to mention that this was my dad and I had to listen to him and respect him because he was my parent. I basically was a well behaved kid, that kudos to the way my mom raised me. However, with my dad, I was scared of him. He never layed a physical hand on me to disipline me. Yet I was scared shitless of this man. He had this demeanor and presence that casued me to NEVER back talk him, NEVER disrespect him, and always do what was told of me.
Now that I am an adult having as much control of my life is important. It’s pretty simple why, if I don’t I can potentially feel like I did when I was with my dad as a helpless child. Having control is a part of my survival method to move on with my life. Of course I have realized there are certain sitautions and times that I just will not have this control, it hasn’t always been easy to allow it or like it. No one ever said that I would be healed overnight and I haven’t. I believe it will be something that I have to work on and be aware of for the rest of my life.
