My family is a daytime soap
OMG! There is so much drama that goes on in the life of some of my cousins that it is a daytime soap and I think the writers could get some juicy information. Then the rest of my family is so willing to share it almost scares me. I have this one cousin that is younger then me that is a true mess-up. That is putting it nicely. I wanted to say something else, LOSER. I will just keep it too myself…hehe. Anyways, I will share because this makes for a really good story, also very sad at the same time because of the innocent children involved.
It all started when she was about 16 and she got pregnant. I felt bad because the father was a good friend of mine and he was now trapped and his life would be forever ruined by her. She had always been a trouble maker and a big-time liar. So he stepped up to the plate and married her. She never finished high school, doesn’t have a drivers license and I don’t think she has held a job in oh 13 years or so, and when she had one I don’t think she was able to hold it for long. Here comes a good twist, after two children from her first husband and a few years of marriage she jumped straight from his bed to the bed of another. Damn, her second victim. And yes you guessed it she ended up pregnant from him too. Um, cuz, do you know where babies come from??? So, now she is pregnant from one man and married to another. WTF…fast forward to a few years and yet one more baby. Now she is on to her third victim. Thankfully after her fourth child someone convinced her to get her tubes tied, either that or there was a threat in there. She is now on her third marriage, jumped into bed with this one before the other one was done too. Do you have any respect for yourself girl? Anyhoo…meanwhile this child has also been a liar, and I think she is also sick in the head. After lies and more lies the second husband ended up in jail. OMG the judge believed this women! Fast forward to the most recent drama. She has lost all four of her kids! Yes, you read that right, the state swooped in and took all her kids out of her home! YEAH!!! Why you ask, because this child needs some serious mental help. She needs to be locked up in some mental hospital to get some serious help and rewire her brain the right way. The oldest are with an Aunt and the youngest, thank goodness, are with their daddy. Finally a judge sees this man for the good kind hearted person he is and he only get messed over by a liar. So this is where the story is now…I’m sure I will get some more juicy info from this cousin’s sister, yep, my source. I haven’t seen this cousin in almost three years, kinda like it like that. I’m not mean and I don’t hate her, just choose not to associate with someone with a lack of morals and respect for herself and her CHILDREN.
Until next time…when the story continues.
It’s a good day.
Had yet another doctors appointment today and everything went well. My BP is back down to normal and the doctor is happy. So I am happy. The restricted activity has worked and the doctor’s concerns of me getting pre-eclampsia are just about gone. So that leaves me with less then two weeks before my scheduled c-section on the 12th of June. Yeah! I am almost there.
My son and I had lunch with my mom, Grandma, and Aunt and I really enjoyed the time spent with them! The weather is hot, but the day is beautiful anyways. I’ve just had a very enjoyable Friday!
Looking forward to when the hubby gets home from work and we can spend some quality time together before his busy weekend with his car buddies.
Perhaps to dip or two in the mother-in-laws pool is on the horizon for the weekend. Shaping up to be a good weekend too.
Not so easy
Let me just say that as much as I would love to be a stay at home mom, it is just not so easy. I really do miss going to work and actually feeling productive. I’m enjoying my time at home, mostly the extra time with my son; and before I know I will have my hands full with a little one.
Work just called me to look for something at my desk, my coworkers all miss me and I miss them as well. Those few times when we joke with each other to break up the day.
Perhaps the perfect mix of both would be working part time, but now a days that is not so easy. Gas and food prices going up at a steady rate faster then ones salary can even imagine. Can you imagine how much you would be making if your salary increased at the rate of gas and food prices, heck inflation alone! Wow! That would be a dream!! I better stop now before I get all political and pissed off, need to keep my blood pressure in check.
So, I am only a week into my at least eight to nine weeks off and I’m having some troubles adjusting. We will see what next week holds.
Oh Mommy, that’s a Chevy…
It’s amazing how our little ones seem to pick up on things and how much their little minds absorb. Feed them with all the knowledge you can now while they are willing to listen to you. My son is only 3 and 1/2 and already can point out the make to most of the cars/trucks out there. I would say he is taking after his daddy as a little car buff. He can point out to you and tell you if a car or truck is a Dodge, Chevy, Saturn, Volkswagen, Ford, Hummer, Toyota and now picking up on the rest. I’m sure one day he will be out doing me and telling me the make, model and year! Yet for now, he impresses me every time we are in the car, he seems to be able to point them out faster then I can. Hey, I gotta pay attention and drive, yeah that sounds good! It will only be time until he starts pointing out those high end Lamborghini’s and Ferrari’s my hubby so loves to look at.
Imagination
I remember times when I was a little kid, I had a big imagination. I even had an invisible friend, whom will remain nameless. I’ve noticed that my son has picked up on this imagination thing. It makes me feel really good to watch him play and use his imagination. I think it is very benefical for a child to have such an imagination.
Just this morning he was playing with his cars and they were his transformers. He had all the characters that he remembers from seeing the movie, even the helicopter one.
It’s good to see him play like this.
To tell him where to go
Last night the hubby asked me if he could call Alan, my abuser, to talk to him about me confronting him and getting everything out on the table of how I feel towards him and what he has done to me. Not the physical things he did to me, but all the emotional trauma he has caused me for many many years. My hubby asked me first, which I respect, if he could call him. I’m glad he did not do it behind my back. I’m fine with him calling. Part of me believes he may never even get him on the phone, just the mere fact of how much of an asshole Alan is. I do not know how if will go if he does get to talk to him. This would be the first step of several to get to him face to face. Even when and IF I did get the chance to tell him how I feel face to face, how much strength would I really have. My hubby would be there to give me as much strength as he could, but would that man I know as my father that had so much intimidation over me when I was younger still hold that over me now? I do not know. I would hope that he does not. I would hope that over the time I have not been in his life and some healing I would be able to look him in the face and just LET HIM HAVE IT! It is what I really want to do and something I feel would really help me get some since of closure. I’ve never gotten closure; and that is a big part of healing. We will see what happens over the course of time now and if and when my hubby calls this bastard.
A little rest before baby
My follow up doctors appointment has found that my BP did not get any better after bed rest, it was actually just a little bit higher. So my doctor and I have agreed that I need to be out of work for the next few weeks before I have my baby. I’m not complaining, it will be a nice time to rest. I will be able to get some much needed rest before I get none after baby is born.
Work seemed to be cool about it. I mean what can they really do when I have a letter from my physican saying I can’t work due to complications with my pregnancy. My cooworkers were concerned for me and it is comforting to know I am in their thoughts and prayers. Although I will not get paid while I am out on leave things will be hard with money, specially in this ever rising gas and food economy; but the health of my baby and myself is way more important then money.
Having control is important in surviving
As a sexual abuse survivor having as much control as I can is so important. Why? If you just think about it when I was in the presence of my abuser he had the control. When he wanted to abuse I had no control. When he took advantage of me, I had no control. He did what he wanted when he wanted to, and I had no control. Yeah, of course I would say no or try to push him away, but being that I was 110 lbs wet and he was 6′2” and I’m sure over 200 lbs you tell me who whens. NOT to mention that this was my dad and I had to listen to him and respect him because he was my parent. I basically was a well behaved kid, that kudos to the way my mom raised me. However, with my dad, I was scared of him. He never layed a physical hand on me to disipline me. Yet I was scared shitless of this man. He had this demeanor and presence that casued me to NEVER back talk him, NEVER disrespect him, and always do what was told of me.
Now that I am an adult having as much control of my life is important. It’s pretty simple why, if I don’t I can potentially feel like I did when I was with my dad as a helpless child. Having control is a part of my survival method to move on with my life. Of course I have realized there are certain sitautions and times that I just will not have this control, it hasn’t always been easy to allow it or like it. No one ever said that I would be healed overnight and I haven’t. I believe it will be something that I have to work on and be aware of for the rest of my life.
“No dear, you are not going to work”
Yes, those were the words of my doctor yesterday at my routine checkup. I’m 35 weeks and 6 days…and I am on bed rest. My blood pressure was elevated significantly and my doctor had blood taken to test me for pre-eclampsia. I asked if my work hours were going to be reduced, but nope, not the case, I am on bed rest. I go back tomorrow to see if there are any changes in my BP. My doctor mentioned she hopes I make it to my 37th week before we would have to think about moving up my c-section.
Needless to say, I am not used to this. I usually am up and about taking care of my son and doing little things around the house daily. Now I have to totally depend on my husband and I feel really weird. I feel like I’m a lazy wife and demanding all this stuff. Not to mention I really haven’t had much time to “nest”, although I really haven’t had much desire. The babies bassinet is set up in the bedroom, we have the car seat ready, all the clothes have been washed and are ready to go and we have some diapers and wipes. I guess you could say I did do a little nesting.
So my agenda for today is to rest, rest, and rest. Oh yeah, I should pack a bag for the hospital, just in case huh…
