A mommy, wife and friend…a survior of child sexual abuse

Yup, been some time since I have written.  Not much time lately and I can’t write at work anymore since changing jobs in November.  Rats!  Was really convenient before.

We found out this week that baby is a BOY!  I am super excited, I was hoping for another boy.  Still on target for a mid-June delivery.  No more morning sickness either, just smooth sailing lately.  Yeah!  Everything looks good with baby too.

Not much to write, although the hubby is frustrating me lately with his constant procrastination.   How many times do you have to remind someone something, just do it damn-it!

Oh yeah, it’s been almost two weeks since my cousin lost her son in a horrible car accident.  I’m pretty close to this cousin and the morning I got her call I had had a tummy ache.  Now I believe it hurt because I sensed something was wrong with a loved one, just didn’t know who.  He was only 14 years old, his half sister also lost her life at 4 years old.  Tons of emotions have gone through my mind since hearing this news last Monday.  How could God do this?  I’m mad.  Hurt I can’t be with my cousin as she lives over 1000 miles away from me.  I broke down last Saturday evening while at an evening Church service, the sermon was on Tough Questions.  Boy did I have a tough question!!  I was able to pray with the pastor which helped a lot, then with in 5 minutes my cousin called me.  We are connected somehow.  She seems to be handling this ok, although I don’t see her everyday.  She has 4 other children to take care of (all girls).  Which brings me to my next dilemma.  Her and I where both pregnant at the same time, her 4th my first.  She wanting a boy, I didn’t care at the time.  She had a girl, me a boy.  We always joked that I got her boy; and when she heard I was pregnant again, she said I was getting her boy again, because her 5th (born this past Oct.) was yet another girl.  Since her son has passed she asked me if I knew what I was having, at the time I didn’t.  But now that I do, I feel really bad telling her, I’m having a boy.  The joke again, I got her boy, again.  Somehow now that seems really painful to me that  she now longer has a son.  I don’t know how to tell her and I certainly don’t know when.  Ugh!

Oh well, I have to think and ponder on that one a while.  Anyways, must be going for now.  The tummy is telling me to feed it!