A mommy, wife and friend…a survior of child sexual abuse

I started thinking about the pain and anger that Alan has brought me.  I haven’t thought about this crap for almost a month now, ever since both cases against him had to be closed because of the statues of limitations.  Still pisses me off, but anyways.  I don’t know what prompted me to think about this crap again.  It is like it is in front of my brain, my thoughts.  Damn, and I don’t want to think about it right now.  My five your anniversary to my hubby is tomorrow and I really want to enjoy our weekend away.  Our mini vacation.  I was thinking in the car ride into work today that maybe I could write him a letter.  As I was thinking of what I wanted to write I became anger and my thoughts to him were becoming quite strong.  I’m thinking I really should write him this letter.  This is at least the second time I have really thought about it.  Some of the words that began to flow were:

“you are not my father”

“asshole”

“how the hell could you”

“you dissappoint me”

“you deserve to be in jail”  – more so rot

“sicko perv”

Ok, I need to stop now, because I am slowly becoming more angry and that would not be a good idea here at work.  I’m done for now.