It is done
The report has been filed. I did it! After 2 hours with the police, 3 pages of my statement, and many tears, I was able to file and press charges. I’m half way there. I do need to file another report. My abuse occurred at two different homes in two different jurisdictions. Yesterday was very draining; emotionally and physically. My mind, body and soul need to build up the strength again to file the second report. But the process is in the works. I had a close friend with me that has been through this entire process and now her father is serving 25 years. She was with me last night and was my strength to get through it all. My sincerest thanks and appreciation go to her. Many hugs! We both are one of many. That’s right, 1 in 4. These numbers are hard to take in.
So, how am I feeling today. I’m completely drained. I have had no energy all day. I went to my counselor and it was hard for me to even “do the work” to heal. I’ve also got homework, yeah that is right, homework. This healing process just isn’t a once a week or month thing. It is a constant struggle to overcome the habits, feelings, and tendencies to “close up” that the abuse has caused. I can see this healing process is going to take a very long time.
Until I filed the report last yesterday, I never told anyone in such details all the sexual abuse that happened. I was not easy by far. Sitting there telling two police officers, two strangers, one a man. As soon as I saw them walking up the walk to the door my stomach went in to knots. Butterflies in the stomach had nothing on this. I knew what I needed to do, so I just spoke; told them everything that I remembered happening. The worse the abuse I talked about the more my body began to shake and the more the tears began to flow. When I was done, I had sometime while they contacted their supervisor, got the paperwork together to make my written statement. During this time I just balled my eyes out and sat on the couch in somewhat a sitting fetal position. While my friend held me. One can only cry so long. I thought to myself I can not completely lose it. This was just the beginning, I had to make it official and write everything down and sign. I got through it! I don’t know how, but I did. My friend even gave a written statement and said she will testify if needed. Again I am thankful! So where does that leave me now? I wait to hear from the investigators. I know I will need to be patient, but that I am not good at. But with the strength of my friend and love ones I will make it through. So I will wait for tomorrow.
