Lazy System Sucking Moms
I’ve seen about enough with women getting pregnant, not working, and living on the system meant to help temporarly! I’ve seen first hand how the child support in some states is completely f..cked! There are some men that make every attempt at doing the right thing and they get screwed! Can you tell this shit just really pisses me off! I know there are some deadbeat dads out there, but when one is not…don’t make their life seem like you keep ramming them in to the wall. To all you single moms out there that got pregnant and just don’t want to work and live off the system and child support…YOU SUCK! You are completely worthless and just think about the morals and work ethics you are teaching your kid(s). I know my words are harsh. I really don’t care right now. I’ve been personally effected by this bull shit and I’m here to tell you dads get royally screwed over and over again!!
Keeping my chin up
Today was a crappy day. I was supposed to go to the doctors, key word…supposed to. I was able to peacefully get the kids ready for the day and eat a nice breakfast with them before all hell broke loose. When I went out to the hummer I noticed the remote unlock didn’t work…hmmm…maybe its battery was dead. So I unlocked it with the key and proceeded to start the engine. NOPE Houston we have a problem. It did not start and I could not get the key out of the ignition. Yikes! Phone calls to the hubby, my mom, and OnStar…an hour later roadside (in my case driveway side) arrived. They jumped the battery and after another call to OnStar the Hummer was running as normal. 20 mins of idle running to charge the battery and then finally off to work. Yeah, I was totally unable to make my doctors appointment. I have been putting off the doctors for a long time and still did not make it. I made it to work just in time to put in oh 3 1/2 hours of work before I had to leave to get a new battery. Lucky the Hummer started, just barely. A few dollars later I have a new battery and it was even installed for me…well I had to pay for that too. So all is good, back home and ready for bed early! Whew…here’s hoping the rest of the week is better then today.
but I Love You
Recently while taking my four year old chatterbox to the doctors I was way too overwhelmed with his nonstopping talking. I asked him if he could just be quiet until we got to the doctors office, which would have been a little more then a few minutes of silence, but darn it I needed it. I’m an awful mom for wanting silence…Anyhoo…after I asked him to please be quite I get this response.
But Mommy I Love you.
Oh gosh what do you say to that. I’m a sucker for love…he continued to talk all the way to the doctors…
What is it?
What do you call a friendship that totally feels one sided? How would you feel if you thought you had a close friend and it seems that they are just too busy in their own little world to even acknowledge you? I’m sitting there folks. My “friend” just doesn’t seem to have the time to get together anymore. I’ve made attempts to no avail. To be honest it is depressing…funny…I should use that word to describe my feelings. Yet it is true, it also hurts. Put some drama and chaos and even throw in a bit of me needing my friend then they would be there. Forgive me for being so blunt, and I’m sure my friend would be hurt if they read this, but I can not hide my feelings. I truely feel this way and I know that it will continue to hurt so long as this friendship withers away. Feeling like this also makes me wonder what I did…was I not a good friend, am I not someone they want to be around…like what is wrong with me? Only time will tell if my friend will come back to me or if the chapter in the book of our friendship is closed. Just placing a bookmark in and waiting to read what’s next…
Kids in Cars
This past week while dropping the boys off at daycare I confronted a mother of two. I may not have begun it the correct way but I sure as hell finished it right. I had seen this mom on several occasions leave one sleeping kid in the car while it was running so she could take the other inside the daycare. Instantly it struck a nerve. The first time I saw it both kids were in the car asleep and alone. I told one of the daycare workers. So time has gone and she was still doing it. This is so wrong! I could not go another day seeing these kids left alone unattended in a running car. While she was inside the daycare you CAN NOT SEE THE CAR! There are pervs and freaks out there people. I told this mom she needed to stop. Get up 5 minutes earlier to get those kids dressed and awake so they can walk their 4 or 5 year old butts inside the daycare like every other parent does. I could tell she is a single mom and she was very young. But damn, I’m a single mom during the week too and have two young ones as well! No excuse leaving your kids alone in a car!! I told her to stop and that she was putting her kids in danger. Oh yeah, the little fact that it was ILLEGAL was placed in front of her as well! I ended the conversation by telling her I was sorry for starting her day out bad but I didn’t want to see something happen to her kids. If one of them was kidnapped while she was inside the daycare I don’t know how I could live with myself knowing I could have done something. I even offered a hug but was denied, doesn’t matter. I said what was needed to be said and I could tell in her eyes that I opened them up to the potential dangers.
Two days later I learn from the daycare manager that she has asked for their help. She is no longer going to leave the kids in the car unattended, a daycare worker will come out and help her. Thank goodness I got to her! I hated having to do it the way I did, but it needed to be done. I also learned that the information on laws in my state that I left with the daycare will be passed out to all the parents in a newsletter. Laws about kids in cars unattended, car seat safety and several other things. I feel I did the right thing and in the end I’m very thankful the mother of these two kids will be doing the right thing in the future.
When a dad lies
During the time when Alan was molesting me he would lie. He would always tell me ”this is how daddies teach their daughters about sex.” I believed him. I trusted him because as the child it is only natural to trust your parent. It messes with you when you realize your daddy was wrong, when you find out the things your daddy said to you were nothing but lies. I also remember one day he told me the things he was doing to me were also being done by his co-worker to his daughter. It was a lie to reinforce his lies. The sad thing is now looking back I really can’t remember tell between lies and truth with Alan.
Another sad thing I was scared shit-less of Alan. He had such a demeanor about him. He never laid a hand on me physically as in like a spanking. But I can remember days I was so afraid to ask him if I could go play with a friend. To this day I still do not understand why.
The effects now are not near as bad as they were. I have grown over time and I have so learned all his lies were wrong. I’ve learned it was not my fault and I can honestly say I believe none of his sexual abuse was my fault.
So how am I now? I’ve learned to trust, it’s hard but I have. I have a strong passion for people not to lie to me. That’s only because I’ve been lied to so much in my life that I now have the control to not allow that. If you lie to me now you are only hurting yourself in the end. The truth always finds its way out and comes to the surface. As with the truth that Alan, my dad sexual abused for quite some time. The only truth that I have not been able to remember is exactly when it began.
Where Have I Been?
In short…busy being a single mom. No not single in that way. The hubby works and lives out of town during the week. Having to take care of the boys alone is not easy, but I am managing. I have the best mom because she does help when I ask. Without hesitation she helps. So, I’m back, I think. I have a lot of stuff running through my head that I want to get out. For that I think I will be around here a little more.
Limp along LuLu
You can just call me Limp along LuLu. I had my second surgery this past Monday to remove the displastic nevus from my lower left leg. Man I did not expect to be in so much pain to just simply walk. I’m healing ok, not is as much pain, well not much pain at all. 8 stitches on top, 5 beneath the skin. I also got the stitches on my shoulder removed. The doc said my healing was A+. I so totally rock!
I’ve had lots of friends ask how I’m doing and I’ve had my co-workers asking, helping and buying me breakfast to help me. What bothers me is there are two people very close to me that have not even called to see how I am doing – wait – three if you count my step-sister! That freakin bites people!! Are we too busy with our own lives to check in on that of someone else? Yah, I guess I was a little more important then I see that I am. NOT! Two people I’ve just recently got back into contact with this past week have even asked me how I was doing and wishing me well. I hadn’t even talked to on of them in 15+ years!! I’m just a little pissed!
I do have to give M much credit! She walked to the convenience store yesterday to buy me my favorite candy bar – my weakness. YOU ROCK M! I gotta get her a bag of her weakness, chips!
Any hoo! Gonna hit the sack, I’m beat. Limping around takes a lot out of you!
Recovery at the Beach…
Well, my surgery went, not totally as expected. Ok, the surgery itself was what I expected. What the doctor told me was not what I expected. He wanted me to use a sling. HUH?!? Because the skin cancer that was removed was on the front of my right shoulder it makes for a pretty tricky time in healing. Short and sweet, I could move my arm the wrong way and rip the stitches. OUCH! So he told me to use a sling and act like my arm was broken. Easier said then done, specially with two kids and the hubby having to work a lot this weekend. Even though we were at the beach for several days, he put in quite a bit of time working. So I was left with the boys alone. Got real good at picking the baby up pretty much with one arm and resting him on the hip. I really need to take it easy because I can still feel some pain. The incision is 2 inches and I have 5 stitches under the skin and 7 on top. My hubby said the doc should have gone along the arm to shoulder and taken it around to make it look like I got my arm sown back one. Like the bride of Frankenstein. NOT! Honey you too funny! So the next surgery is on my left calf on April 6th, guess I will have to walk with crutches on that one. Really I don’t know, but at this point if would not surprise me if that is what the doc says. Oh yeah! I was at the beautiful beach all weekend. One of the best places for me to just relax and chill. Enjoyed some good family time on the beach – I was stayed in the shade – watching the hubby fly his kite and the boys play in the sand. No wait, watched my older son play and the baby trying to eat everything on the beach. GROSS! Yeah, he quickly ended up back in my lap. Anywhoo…stitches will be removed either on the 6th or 8th whichever the doc chooses is best. Meanwhile my “right arm is broken” and I should call into work sick for the next week…aaahhh that would be nice. Shoe! I gotta go back to work tomorrow. Had a nice 4 day weekend though. Will be interesting working with my arm though…
Surgery #1
I have my first surgery to remove the skin cancer this Wednesday. Am I nervous? Not really. I’ve had two others already. I’ll be nervous with the one on my leg that could go into Melanoma and I’m not sure how I will feel with that one the day after. Wondering if I will be limping around. I will most likely have about 5 – 6 stitches on my right/front shoulder. About the same on my leg. So here’s to all you young ladies who want to get tan. Don’t lay out in the sun with out at least SPF15 and DO NOT go in to tanning beds. Why? You will be 35 and having the cancer removed or have leathery skin in your 50’s! It’s not worth it!
